The Teaching of Poetry: Some Thoughts

One of the areas that can stymie many ELA and English teachers is the teaching of poetry.  Personally, I believe that is because, over the decades, we have de-emphasized the teaching of poetry.  At the turn of the 20th century, poetry was a full half of the curriculum.  Now, it's a tiny fraction, maintained almost entirely alone during April's Poetry Month in large part due to the AP Literature and Composition's hold on the overall English curriculum in so many schools.  Many English majors take few classes dedicated to the sole study of poetry, and many survey classes eschew all but the most important pieces.

This means that the current crop of ELA teachers have little experience with poetry compared to prose except, perhaps, on a personal level in their own writing.  In many conference sessions and conversations, I heard teacher after teacher confess that they feel uncomfortable in teaching poetry and consider it a weak area.  This shows in some of the lesson plans and curriculum ideas available on TeachersPayTeachers.com as well as in many teaching texts.  Formulaic plans with emphases on easy-to-grade areas like rhyme scheme and figurative language (one of the few areas of poetry in the Common Core) abound, and they are wrong.

I am a huge believer in and proponent of Baron Wormer's and David Capella's Poetry Centered Classroom Method.  I personally used that method with various age levels and English classes with great success.  First of all, every time I used it, test scores went up.  Secondly, students of different ages and ability levels all agreed that it taught them how to read closely and think critically.  If you can get a copy of Teaching the Art of Poetry, I cannot recommend it highly enough.  Their follow-up text, A Surge of Language, is also very helpful in seeing how to implement the method in an actual classroom.

There are great methods and ideas in those books, but I would add a few here for when you incorporate poetry as your curriculum currently dictates.

1. Have students write poetry more than just during April.
    One of my favorite tricks was to pull out acrostic poems when we were all getting quite tired of the usual vocabulary quizzes.  Instead of having to write sentences on all ten words, I had students write three acrostic poems (their choice of which vocabulary words to write about); the word got spelled down the side of the poem, and the definition of the word had to be in one of the lines.  The rest of the poem was up to each student.  The first time I would use it with each class, it would take a bit of explaining what an acrostic poem even was, as many had never been exposed to that poetic form at all.  Once they got it, creativity would flow, and amazing poetry was written as a result.
    For differentiated instruction, put the writing of poetry on menu choice boards or include it as an option for reactions to novels or explaining important concepts.  While the CCSS and the AP curricula emphasize essay writing above all others, students whose minds are more poetic struggle with writing essays and should be allowed to shine from time to time.
    Pick a poetic form to go with each unit.  Use that form to help students better see how figurative language is really used.  When I taught a class of 8th graders The Outsiders, we watched many slam poetry performances, and the students had to write and perform their own, one of the more powerful experiences in my career.  Students wrote of their struggles, successes, pain, and love in powerful, phenomenal ways, ways they could not have if we had done yet another essay.  Think outside the box, pantoums for Brave New World, sonnets for Jane Austen, fitting the form to the themes or topics.

2. Encourage students to use the writing process on their poems just as they do on other writings.
    It is not usual to hear of teachers having students write shape poems for Valentine's Day or poems for special occasions, but it is less usual to hear of those assignments following the writing process.  Students write one draft, and it is expected to meet the standards, and then they move on to the next assignment, never to revisit that poem again.  We might do that with short essay answers or even other short prose writings, but we rarely do that with essays.  To show that all writing follows the writing process, please plan enough time for rough drafts and peer editing, just like you would for any other important writing assignment.  Show students rough drafts of famous poems so they can see how it can look.

3. If you have students read their poems to the class, treat that as a sacred moment.
    Requiring students to read their work out loud to their classmates is in the CCSS, sure, but it is also a difficult thing for most students.  It's scary.  Don't bully them or guilt them into it.  Instead, set down strict rules for those listening, that any mocking or mean comment results in being sent from the room or something as severe depending on your school's policies.  Make it clear that all students will be safe in reading their poems aloud.  For those who still don't feel safe to read aloud, offer other options, like recording themselves for just you or for the class to read or reading their poems just to you in the hallway.  Respect their fears.
    One thing that seems to help students in reading their works aloud is practice.  If you can find time for them to practice reading their pieces to others, it is very helpful.  Starting them on reading to just a partner, then groups helps prepare them for the whole class.

4. Sneak poetry into your curriculum whenever you can.
    Don't just use it for teaching metaphor and simile or during your Shakespeare unit.  Use poetry for teaching all the things!  If you find the right poem, you have a great, short mentor text that is easier for students to grasp than a huge novel or pages long article.  That short text is less intimidating for students to practice close reading on, learn how to cite quotes properly, and even use for learning new vocabulary.  For those thinking that poetry is less accessible, try it first with popular song lyrics the students volunteer.  Those are poetry, as are the popular slam poetry performances on YouTube (a great way to cover the CCSS critical analysis of video texts!).  Any time you're working on a new concept, introduce it with a poem, and see how much easier that works for so many students.

Poetry is the oldest form of human creative writing, older than writing itself.  There is no reason to cut it from the curriculum, other than it's difficult to write test questions for and isn't as easily monetized as fiction.

I'll leave you with a story:
    Years ago, I was asked to do a guest teaching spot in a 6th grade classroom.  I was a new stay-at-home mom and desperately missed teaching, so I jumped at the chance.  It was in a private evangelical Christian K-12 school, and in talking with the teacher, it became clear that she had not covered any of the metaphorical language standards or covered poetry at all, so I devised a fairly simple, safe lesson on metaphor and simile. 
    I will never forget that day: bright faces, interested and engaged learners, and sighs.  Oh, the sighs.  In the two sections, each time I finished reading the poem out loud that was on the overhead, there was a huge collective sigh like they were finally breathing oxygen for the first time.  They gasped as we went through the poem again, splitting apart the metaphors, finding each one together, and some even cried.  It wasn't even a great poem.  I remember one little boy raising his hand afterward, asking, "What is that?  It isn't like anything I have ever read before."  So many agreed with him, and I had to back up and explain what poetry even was.
    When it came time for them to try writing their own, each section was crammed with students who thought they knew all the rules for writing.  I was asked how many sentences their poems had to be, how many paragraphs, and more questions focused on the editing side.  You should have heard their gasps when I explained that poetry does not have to follow any of those rules, that they did not even have to capitalize if they did not want to or even use a single period.  They turned in some pretty rough free verse that day, but they smiled, breathed easier, and left class chattering about their poems, sharing them with each other, and saying they wanted to write more.
    Poetry is part of what makes us human.  Don't deny your students that experience.  Let them gasp and breathe it in.

Ashwagandha Experiment: Day 13 and the End

The ashwagandha experiment has ended for me, though my husband is still considering it.

End results for me:
My asthma is worse, my allergies are worse, and I definitely have my GI allergy symptoms (stool change, stool color change, some abdominal cramping) going strong now with no other possible cause since this is the only new thing I've introduced.

The first few days, I had less pain, more energy, and I really thought it was something I could take that would help.  The rebound headache when it wore off, though, was definitely a problem, as were the sleep issues.  I felt more rested when I took it at night, but the tracker said I had absolutely no deep sleep those nights, and it was a lot harder to fall asleep (when it already is difficult).  Switching to taking it in the morning helped a lot for a couple of days.  In trying to ease up the bad headache in the evening (well, worse headache since I always have a headache), I split the pills to stagger dosing, and it didn't seem as effective that way.  Going back to taking a whole pill in the morning did not help my pain like it had before, and my allergy symptoms definitely started getting worse.

Another side effect for me was massive lack of appetite.  I've been forcing myself to eat even a little and finding that my appetite comes back when it wears off in the evening, which is not a good thing for my weight or metabolism at all.  I just didn't want to eat, didn't even think of food as something good (which is weird for me).  I do wonder if, for people on medications that make them hungry all the time, it would help counteract any of those symptoms.  That isn't the case with me, though, and while it helped me stay in a better calorie range for me, it didn't help with weight loss because of when I was finally hungry and able to eat.

Conclusion: I'm allergic to it, and I'm stopping taking it as of today.

End results for my husband:
He stopped taking it a couple of days ago, mostly due to the bad headaches he was starting to get.  We aren't sure if those are due to the ashwagandha, actually, so it's more that he's put it on pause to see if, after this weather system goes through and he tries it again, it works better for him.

He definitely was having GI symptoms, too, though.  Worse gas, some abdominal pain from gas cramping, and his gas smelled much worse.  We're not exactly sure what it was doing to our gut biomes, but it was doing something.  He hasn't had the lack of appetite to the same degree I've had, but he definitely has not been as hungry until it wears off.

Conclusion: My husband thinks he needs a smaller dose than the 600 mg we've been taking (Garden of Life) and a different formulation.  He's going to try taking it again in a few days and see if he has the same symptoms, and he possibly will be taking half pills instead.

The Ashwagandha Experiment: Day 11

Things have gotten interesting in the Ashwagandha Experiment in our house.  I've messed with taking it at different times and splitting doses, my husband is trying it now, and we have learned a few things.

Thing 1: It really helps to take it in the morning for us.
Taking it at night made it so I didn't get any deep sleep and took forever to fall asleep.  I did feel like I had slept really well, but the tracker says I didn't, and the brain fog says I didn't.  We both take it in the morning, though we have found it helps to take it a bit later in the morning due to Thing 2.

Thing 2: It is not fun when it wears off.
I tried doing a divided dose for a few days in hopes that it would make the evening easier when it wears off, but instead, it just made it not work as well overall with the headache still hitting hard in the evening.  My husband didn't take one yesterday (as part of his experiment), and his headache was bad all day.  We're both starting to question taking this at all due to the almost-rebound-like headaches when it wears off.

Thing 3: Divided doses did not help, but taking the one pill didn't help with a bad weather/rainy day, either.
In other words, it definitely is no miracle worker for me.  Yesterday, it stormed and rained all day, and I had zero energy and really bad pain.  The ashwagandha did nothing to help with that at all despite going back on a full dose.  Honestly, the longer I'm on it, the less effective it seems to be, which is weird.  I'm going to stay on it the full month to see if that changes.

Thing 4: Both of us are finding that our allergies and GI issues are worse on it.
I've been starting to wonder if I'm mildly allergic to it, especially since my allergies and asthma are worse and my GI symptoms are starting to look more and more like they did with soybean oil (which I've become allergic to).  I'm not quite there yet, and it is fall (and a usually bad time of year allergy-wise for me), but if my asthma keeps acting up, I will have to stop taking it entirely.  If my husband keeps having the GI issues he is, he's going to stop taking it, too.

In conclusion, over a week later, and I'm not seeing the benefits I did at first.  There is the possibility that it's the dosage or the configuration we're taking, but if I'm really allergic to it, then it doesn't matter in the end at all if it works or not.  So, I'm going to continue on it and watch everything carefully.  If the allergic symptoms continue or worsen, I will have to stop taking it and then see what happens.

The Ashwagandha Experiment: Day 5

Today has been interesting.

Last night, the ashwagandha seemed to wear off around 8:30 (putting it at a ten hour range or so), and the headache got really bad, almost like a rebound headache.  The fibro pain came roaring back, too.  I got super sleepy at 8:30, managed to stay awake through kids' bedtimes and all, but when I went to bed, I had a hard time falling asleep.  According to my tracker, I did get deep sleep, though, once I fell asleep.

This morning, I felt more like I usually do and had the same hard time waking up as usual.  My husband and I had discussed the rebound stuff, and I decided to take a half pill this morning.  I did feel more energy, and the pain started letting up a bit, and by the time I got to my neurologist's appointment, I felt decent.  I even was able to bend down and pick things up fairly easily without my muscles screaming.

Then, I went through the more thorough neuro test as part of my appointment.  That got the tremors going hard, and the fibro was all ticked off the rest of today.  My husband had the good idea tonight that I should take a half pill in the morning and then half a pill after lunch to help with the worst time of day (late afternoon).  I'm going to try that tomorrow.  It definitely didn't help enough with the pain today, so maybe going back to a full pill but in a divided dose will help more.

Another interesting side effect: lack of appetite.  I just haven't been as hungry since starting this experiment, even to the point of not finishing what I am eating.  I am a lot more thirsty, and with my kidney, I have to be concerned about that.  I was even down a pound this morning and could fit into jeans I haven't been able to wear in awhile.  Given that, if I want to lose weight at all, I can't eat much more than 1300 calories a day (long story), this isn't a bad thing.

The sleepiness is starting to hit here at 8:30 again.  We'll see how tomorrow goes.

The Ashwagandha Experiment: Day Four

I've read in several places now that the Indian herb, ashwagandha, can help quite a bit with fibromyalgia.  Given the price and how other experiments in herbals have had less-than-stellar results, I just didn't even try it.  This last summer, in an effort to get more use out of the herbs I always plant, I started researching herbal tinctures and teas.  I've made holy basil and lemon balm tinctures, and the sage oil is still steeping.  Next up (and last given the turn in our weather) is an oregano oil.

Anyway, I tried taking a blend of the holy oil and lemon balm tinctures.  Bad vertigo.  Really bad vertigo.  Maybe it was too much, maybe it's the alcohol, I'm not sure.  Next, I'm going to try taking them separately and see if I can figure out which one did the vertigo or if both do it.

In going back through some of my fibro resources about herbal treatments, I kept seeing ashwagandha mentioned repeatedly.  It's an adaptogenic herb that has shown some success in helping with fibro symptoms.  When I was at the Natural Health Center (great store here in Kalamazoo) getting my multivitamin that I was out of, I saw they had an ashwagandha blend on sale and decided to give it a try.

I had to look up when and how to take it (not on the bottle), and the results were mixed.  For some people, ashwagandha gives them energy, so they should take it in the morning.  For others, it really helps with sleep and should be taken at night.  Given that most of my reactions lean towards the sleepy side, I decided to try taking it at night.  My first night was this last Friday night.  According to my fitness tracker, I had only a few minutes of deep sleep on Friday night, and I woke up feeling rather refreshed (and so was surprised at the lack of deep sleep, one of the hallmarks of fibro and considered a possible cause).  Given the nasty storms all day Saturday, I was in surprisingly decent shape, and my pain wasn't anywhere near as debilitating as it would normally have been.  I took it again on Saturday night, and according to my tracker, I had absolutely no deep sleep.  I felt like I had slept hard, though, and my husband said that the couple of times he woke up that it seemed like I was sleeping hard.  Weird.

Sunday, I had a bit more energy than usual despite the lack of deep sleep the night before, but then the fatigue and pain hit hard again in the last afternoon like it always does.  My headache was bad, and so I had a Pepsi with dinner in the evening, and then I took another of the ashwagandha pills with my bedtime pills.

It hit hard last night after I took it, the energy and total inability to sleep. I couldn't fall asleep for hours (not tired in the least though I should have been). According to my tracker, for the second night in a row, I had zero deep sleep.  I did finally get some deep sleep when I fell back asleep this morning, after I think it wore off because I suddenly became exhausted.

I've changed the time I'm taking it to the morning to see what happens during the day. Oddly enough, my fibro-induced occipital neuralgia these last few days has been more annoying (feels like pop rocks going off on the top of my head, and it feels cold but isn't), but the pain has been less.

Today is the first day I've taken it with my morning pills, so we'll see what happens.  So far, I feel more awake, but it's like part of me is still tired and in pain.  It feels weird, but we'll see what happens.

Once you're a student of mine, you're always a student of mine.

Before I went on medical leave and ultimately had to resign from my middle school teaching job due to disability, I taught high school and middle school kids for a total of ten years or so.  Sadly, the fibromyalgia has taken away most of their names from my memory and even some classes and such, but I remember so many of them.  I easily taught around two thousand students in those years, but I stay in touch with several even years later on Facebook and Twitter.  Great kids who have grown up and moved on with their lives.

They're still my students, though, and I still worry about them.  I have a pair of former students, married parents of one and one on the way, and I had to break out the knitting needles yesterday when I read that she is having some troubles with the pregnancy.  Didn't even stop to think much beyond what colors I know both like and what I had in the yarn stash and then look through some baby sweater patterns I have on hand.

In explaining it to my husband last night as I was trying to at least finish the hood on the top-down sweater before going to bed, I found myself thinking that people outside of education might think it odd.  I haven't taught them in 7 years, haven't seen them in real life outside of social media online, but they're still my students even after all this.  Thankfully, my husband didn't even question it (he's awesome that way).

See, we don't teach machines or widgets in some factory.  We teach people, and those people touch our lives as much or even more than we touch theirs.  They take over huge areas in our hearts, and even after graduation, we find ourselves as teachers wondering how they're doing, what they're doing now, hoping they're okay.  I've talked with teachers about former students and shared what I have heard, and they have told me of family members and the latest news.  I have never known a teacher not to worry over former students, be proud of them for every achievement, and cry over them when they die (yes, we do keep track of that, too).

So, I'm still knitting on this baby sweater in hopes that it will fit okay and let that little baby know that his mom's teacher cares about him, too, even if I won't ever get the chance to have him in a classroom.

The New Year Cometh and Cometh Right Soon

The ESL program I volunteer teach for starts back up the second week of September, and I still struggle with a basic concept: what am I supposed to be teaching?

If I listen to the state of Michigan, I am to teach CASAS test prep so that the adult students learn ESL quickly and move quickly through the test levels, testing out and then moving on to a GED or a TOEFL program.  If I listen to CASAS, I would work harder on teaching the Common Core CCR (College and Career Readiness) Standards.  If I listen to my program director, she would add that I need to teach the textbook because students feel more accomplished if they finish the books and also need to use the new software our parent program paid for.  If I listen to my students, I would just teach pronunciation games and work on conversation skills so that no one would make fun of their accents.

In going through the mountains of CASAS standards (seriously--there are hundreds), it's clear that we volunteer teachers are facing a more than slightly uphill battle.  We are to get our students to completely assimilate into US culture as well as be entirely fluent (speaking, reading, writing, listening) in English to a native speaker's 8th grade level.  Having taught 8th grade ELA, this is a bit more in my wheelhouse.  That said, these are adults, and they have many different levels of fluency in both English and their primary languages.

This year, I'm thinking of having my students read a book in addition to textbook work and work on the computers.  I'm strongly leaning toward Steinbeck's Travels with Charley.  I know it's a problematic piece (racist against First Nations peoples and black people, for example), but he does a good job of explaining American culture and describing the US geographically.  The reading level is perfect, too.  Apparently, a former teacher used to teach Maya Angelou, and while I love her work, I wonder if it's a good first text to tackle after doing so much book work for so long.  If that goes well, I want to start lit circles after we finish that one and then do a class text in January (no idea what to do then), followed by lit circles.

It is important to read a culture's most important texts, but these days, our canon in the US is undergoing real change.  Books written in the vernacular are difficult for adult ESL learners (at least, they would be for most of my students), so that makes many great YA books and solid American books (like one of my favorites, Their Eyes Were Watching God) not the best in this situation.  Mark Twain is right out, as is any 18th C. American writer due to vocabulary level and complex syntax.  Having never taught American lit, I'm at a bit of a loss.

So, I am asking my readers, what books do you suggest?

Let's Talk Pain.

 Pain has been in the news a lot lately due to the concerns of the opioid epidemic and how illegal use of prescription pain medications and illegal heroin and fentanyl are killing so very many, especially in the Midwest.  The government has cut back, not only on the actual supply of opioids made for legal use, but also on what doctors can prescribe, and chronic pain patients have been speaking up.  So, let's talk about pain, something I have lived with for over half my life now.  More specifically, let's talk about how medical types (doctors, nurses, support staff) deal with patients in pain.

First, as a point of explanation, I cannot take pain medication.  I am not allowed to take any NSAIDs due to only having one kidney and that not doing as well as anyone would like.  I cannot take opioids because they don't work (it's a genetic thing--thanks, Dad!).  I cannot take the psych meds often prescribed for pain, also due to genetics.  I have horrific reactions to them (one made me start to go blind by the third day--yes, I get those kinds of reactions).  So, I do not take any pain medications for my severe fibromyalgia, chronic daily headache, and other painful conditions.

I have had a lot of experience with medical types, from having been married to an internist (we dated in college, married in med school, stayed married through residency and his first couple of jobs as an attending, and he left me for a nurse--it's a rather banal, common story) to having chronic pain for over 22 years.  I had chronic appendicitis for ten years that was misdiagnosed as endometriosis (8 doctors missed that, so I don't really blame anyone), two major surgeries in a year, lost my right kidney and three inches off to two ribs to a large kidney tumor, and more.  I'm a compliant patient who sees her doctor more than once a year for kidney checks, etc., and I do my best to do whatever my doctors tell me to do.

I've got several doctors involved in my treatment these days, and I've been through tons of tests.  I used to be flat-out terrified of hypodermic needles, but two surgeries in a year and all the follow-up kicked me of that phobia.  I'm not an easy stick, so any time I have to get an IV, they have to stick me, on average, three times.  A few people have gotten my IV in on the first try, and the record is seven sticks before getting one to work.  I've been assaulted by an ultrasound tech doing a vaginal ultrasound, I've had good doctors, I've had bad doctors, I've known great nurses, and I've known callous terrors.  I've been through a lot, and it isn't over (especially if/when my kidney gives out).

I know pain.  My average pain level these days is a seven, and no, I'm not exaggerating.  See, I know that many med types think patients exaggerate their pain levels to get meds (which I can't take) or attention (don't need that), but I have refined my pain scale over the years.  My personal pain scale:

• 1-2     Barely ever have this anymore.  Honestly, I never use these numbers  because they don't exist for me.
• 3-4     Slightly annoying.  Easy to ignore for long stretches, but then it reminds me it's there.
• 5        Used to be my average.  Easy to ignore for an hour or so, maybe longer in cases of emergency or if my kids need me.  I'm still fairly functional but start finding attention and recall to be difficult.
• 6        The pain is getting harder to ignore.  I can still ignore it for up to an hour, but it's much harder to do so, and it comes back with a vengeance when I do.  Recall gets harder here, especially.
• 7        I can ignore this pain only for half hour bursts.  It grabs my attention whenever I try to do something normal (like, walk), and it makes thinking, listening to conversations or videos, and recall difficult.  It's also the pain level I had after my exploratory laparoscopy without pain control and the beginning of labor in both of my natural deliveries.
• 8        I cannot ignore this pain except for a few minutes at a time.  I can still smile, but it's harder to hide the pain.  This one was later in labor when the contractions were harder and closer, what my ovarian cysts often hit me with, and what my headache can go to randomly.  I'm functional but barely.  I have a lot harder time remembering anything or following any conversation or what I'm reading.
• 9        I start having trouble talking at this pain level.  Breathing is a chore, and I start to go inward, really struggling to deal with the outside world at all.  This was my last year of appendicitis daily level and what months after my kidney surgery were like.
• 9.5     I stop being able to talk at all.  It's scary, so I have to fight down a panic response at the same time as deal with the pain.  I can scream in my head, and I do, but everything slows down, and I can't get words out.  This is what my natural births got to at the most painful parts and what my first day after the kidney surgery was.
• 10      This is when I start seeing stars and start passing out.  Yes, it's possible to pass out from pain alone.  I have, several times, and it's very unpleasant.  My body is overwhelmed with the pain level, and it shuts down on me without my permission.  This was the pain level I had when I woke up early in recovery from the kidney surgery (again, with no pain control), and they rolled me for the x-ray.

I know pain.  I've had ovarian cysts (2+ a year) since I was 22, had appendicitis for 10 years (intermittent for the first 9, solid for the last year, almost went insane from the pain), have had surgeries without pain control, broken bones, and I have fibromyalgia now, so my body thinks pain is a normal state.  Even little things hurt, from certain sounds to someone grabbing my arm too hard.  My skin feels like it's sunburned all the time now (allodynia is a fibro thing), and the pain from that waxes and wanes as my fibro flares up and down.  I have a constant headache now, and that can go from easy to ignore to crippled by it depending on the day.  Every muscle hurts.  I don't even have to do anything for that to be true.  It's just my reality.

So, let's talk how pain is seen by med types.  Some are truly caring.  I will never forget the urgent care doctor who got tears in his eyes when he realized that he couldn't do anything for my pain when I broke my elbow.  He was horrified that I was in that much pain and shrugging it off, but it wasn't like I could do anything else.  He was a real doctor.  My primary care doctor, an amazing internist, truly listens and cares and doesn't like it that he cannot do anything, same with my neurologist.  They are all great physicians.

Then there are the ones who don't believe me.  My ex told me that my pain was all in my head for years when it was appendicitis and a kidney tumor.  I've had doctors roll their eyes when I tell them what my pain level is.  I have had ER doctors try to accuse me of being a narc seeker until I tell them to read my chart and then watched their eyes go big when they see the long list of meds I can't take with all opioids right at the top.

Here's a recent example: the phlebotomist at 2 a.m. who ripped skin off with the tape and didn't notice.  I don't know how she didn't notice considering she was looking closely at my arm, prodding for a vein for a blood draw, but she didn't.  When she decided to use the same vein, she firmly wiped the entire area, including the area she had ripped skin off of, with an alcohol wipe.  I gasped loudly in pain, and her first reaction was to blame me.  She said, "You have a strong reaction to pain, don't you?"  I said, "I have fibromyalgia, so yes, but anyone would after you put alcohol on ripped skin."  She then looked closer and said, "Oh, I guess you must have a bad reaction to tape or something."  I said, "No, you ripped skin off when you ripped off the tape."  She shook her head and didn't believe me, instead going forward with the blood draw and then telling me she would put the tape on a different way.  Thankfully, my night nurse was more than understanding and upset when he looked at it and gave me antibiotic ointment to put on the area.

I've had nurses hit nerves when trying to put in IVs (classic signs--severe burning sensation running up the nerve) only to tell me that it can't be true when I tell them that.  I've been yelled at by doctors and a dentist for crying in pain.  I've been told that I'm overreacting more times than I care to count.  I've been told that blood pressure cuffs don't hurt (until I show them the bruises), that they will get an IV in on the first try because they're the best and then get angry at me when they can't and start pulling the tourniquet tighter and tighter each time (bruising me more each time), that something won't hurt that does and then blame me for it hurting, and more.  The ultrasound tech who assaulted me didn't even look at me as she was doing it, just stared at her computer with a blank look on her face, and when I talked with the head of the practice, the doctor told me that it was my fault for not telling her to stop, ignoring that I was at a 9.5 and literally seeing stars and couldn't talk.  

See, many medical types find that the only way they can do their jobs is to otherize their patients, to become callous to cries of pain.  They start saying all patients lie, that all patients are narc seekers, that all patients are just weak and it doesn't hurt that badly.  They lie to themselves so they can keep going to work every day and hurting patients in hopes of helping them get better.  They have to blame the patients: if they start looking too closely at what they're doing to people already in pain, they won't like themselves anymore.  I understand why they do it, but let's at least admit that they're lying both to themselves and each other.

When we talk about pain, let's at least be honest.

Getting Ready for the New School Year, Fibromyalgia-Style

Despite dietary changes and the easier schedule of summer, my fibromyalgia has gotten worse in a lot of ways.  Part of it is stress (lots of stress this summer due to family stuff), but most of it no one seems to understand.  I had an upper endoscopy to check on my throat after many, many years of acid reflux, and that landed me in the hospital with severe chest pain.  Turned out, that was my fibro over-reacting to the procedure and my hiatal hernia (new diagnosis) moving or something.

So, here it is, the last day of July, and I'm trying to figure out the new school year:

• My daughter is going off to college this fall (Western Michigan University--go Broncos!), and I am so happy for her, proud of her, and trying not to be sad or worried.  We still have a lot to do to get her ready to move into the dorm and ready for her new year and new life at WMU, especially being in the WMU Bronco Marching Band.
• My son is starting his junior year in high school this year, and it's going to be a busy one.  He's on the lead team for his FIRST robotics team, on the varsity golf team, helping run his school's autonomous car team, and he is learning how to drive.  That's a lot!  With tough classes on top of that, he's going to need a better home routine and set-up to help him thrive.
• My stepson is starting is 8th grade year, second one in our district, and there are so many positives there.  He's switching to band with an amazingly supportive and awesome band teacher (Mr. Stout is one of the finest band directors I have ever had the honor of knowing), in honors classes, and getting the supports he needs at school.  Thing is, we need to tighten up the home routine to make sure he gets the support at home that he needs.

So, that means it's time to re-evaluate home schedules, chore charts, all of it.  In reflecting on last spring's difficulties with both boys in terms of school and grades and managing their time, I think it's time to bring back a stricter home schedule and definite dinner time.  Here's our family schedule as of now.

Some nights, a set dinner time of 6:30 will not work out, but I think it will most of the time.  One of the problems with last year was that I let my stepson spend too long after school de-stressing, so he ended up doing his homework later in the evening which 1) stressed him out right before bed, making sleep difficult, and 2) made it so he didn't have enough time for making his YouTube videos or spending more time with his dad.  I have a plan for cutting rest time short at 4 p.m. (it involves many alarms), and the boys will be re-arranging their desks in their rooms so that they can more easily do their homework there and not on their beds (where they often would fall asleep in the middle of it last year).

Since I'm the parent who's home, it is my job to keep them on task, hold them accountable, and make sure they get play time in there somewhere, too.  I also have to manage my paperwork for my disability, financials, family stuff, everything.  That schedule is for me as much as it is for them so that I make sure to spend some time on chores every day and not lose track of time (easy to do in the afternoons as the pain ramps up).

The chore charts have been re-done and updated to not include my daughter, the schedules have been tightened up and updated, and now I have to clear the table (again), inventory what everyone needs for school and then buy new materials, have the boys inventory what fits and what doesn't and buy new clothes, and still unpack the basement.  Tons to do in not a lot of time!

I Feel Stuck. It's Time for a Change.

My fibromyalgia pain has been dramatically worse this school year despite my not teaching.  I have tried mild diet changes, changing my supplements, different exercises, all to no avail.  I even went back to PT, but that got my tremors going so badly that I split my lip trying to hold my head up out of the water in the pool.  Yeah.  So, I'm stuck.

I have a disease that has no cure.  I'm stuck with this one for the rest of my life or until researchers finally figure it out and find better treatments and, hopefully, a cure.  Given the slow pace of research and how far behind we are, I'm betting on decades at the very least.  Decades of pain, tremors, a daily headache, poor temperature control, GI issues, and more.  It's hard not to feel angry or get depressed at the very thought of living like this for years more.

So, I sat down with myself and tried to evaluate any changes (other than in pain level and some new symptoms that are really annoying).  We moved this last winter, and that's been a good thing.  I love our new house so much and feel so safe here--I hadn't really realized that, before, I hadn't felt safe underneath it all.  Now we're in a home that really feels like home, and I'm very, very blessed.  The allodynia got a lot better for a couple of months after the move, though it's back and pretty bad right now, and honestly, I'm wondering if is somehow tied to allergies since it's allergy season but my usual respiratory allergies aren't kicking into high gear like normal.  We got a new mattress, and when I do sleep, I sleep harder now.  Of course, that means more pain when I wake up because I'm not moving as much, but I'll take the trade-off.  We got a new dog, and she's a lot of work but worth it in many ways.  She's a real cuddler, and on bad days, I need that (as well as the two cats cuddling me, too, though the cats and the dog don't cuddle at the same time).

On the other hand, I have not been eating right for months now.  Junk foods, desserts, not enough protein, too much dairy.  The carb cravings have been brutal, and while I know that those mean my body is needing protein (found that out years ago), I've been going for the carbs instead.  Not enough water, too, and that's even worse.  I've been eating out more ever since the move, even though I know about my soybean oil allergy and how darn difficult it is to eat out and not run into that in everything.  I've also been more sedentary, mostly due to increased pain levels.  At least, I'm not doing all the movement and exercise I should be doing.

I also looked around at my family.  My husband's weight has crept back up again (as has his pain level), and my stepson has definitely been getting rounder and having trouble with low energy.  My son and daughter aren't eating right, either, though they don't tend to gain weight much at all.  If anything, my son's lost some because he's just not eating as much as he needs to and my daughter is eating far too many carbs and nowhere near enough protein.

So, I grabbed my books, re-read my diet spreadsheet, researched things a bit more, and I started thinking it was time for a reset, something like Whole30 or the Gut Balance Phase 1, to get us back on some sort of track.  My disease may be for decades, but I can't give up, and diet does have an impact whether I like to admit that or not.  While at Costco with my mom right before Mother's Day, I found the 21 Day Sugar Detox book, and I really liked it.  The diet plan is sound and not super crazy to follow, the meal plans and recipes look good, and I like the journal aspect of the book.

I talked with my husband about it, and he encouraged me to do it but to consider modifying the diet to make sure it's not too low carb for me.  I talked with my stepson about it, and he's actually in favor of it because he remembers feeling better when we were on the Gut Balance diet and wants to feel like that again.  I talked with my daughter (that didn't go well) and my son (that went better--he agreed that he needs to eat breakfast and eat more protein, so that's a major win!), and we started the new 21 Day Sugar Detox diet today.

Day one of my modified low carb diet:
I weighed myself and updated my measurements. A couple of my measurements are down from January, even though I've been feeling extra fat and icky lately and my weight went back up. That's interesting.

I ate the breakfast I made last night, a turkey sausage frittata from the book, and it was amazing!  Where has that been my whole life?  I'm looking forward to the leftovers and the next frittata recipe.

I will say, though, that I'm keeping Pepsi as needed since it's one of the only things that works on my daily headache (doctor says it's fibromyalgia caused occipital neuralgia--either way, I can't take anything for it, and I really don't like it). I'm also keeping my sourdough bread since it's fermented and I've tested it and know it works for me. I also know, from having done a stricter version of this before, that I need more carbs than a really strict low-carb diet allows. Basically, the diet I'm doing is no added sugar (other than Pepsi or the sweet tea I've found works almost as well that I substitute sometimes), no breads (other than mine) or gluten stuff, little dairy, lots more veggies and protein.

So, yesterday started the massive food prep, and I was lucky that my husband helped. It was too much for just me with my dang fibro. Today, I am making bread, boiling up some eggs, already put up some shredded chicken I cooked in the pressure cooker, and I need to make something else I'm forgetting.  

I can do this.

We Need to Talk about Racism

I got involved in a Twitter conversation yesterday that got me thinking about some of the main biases we have as educators and how we don't even know we have them much of the time.  They cover everything from how we think teachers should dress to what strategies we prefer to use to the decisions we make about students.

Let me get a couple of things out of the way first:

• Especially in the United States, we teach and learn within a racist system that was founded in racism and still hasn't done the hard work necessary to change and root that out.
• Many of the strategies we see in American education come from that racist history.  Some strategies reinforce the dominant white culture, and some are more inclusive.  
• Due to conservatives running things in most states and on the federal level (as well as Democrats falling for much of the corporate, conservative line when it comes to education), our schools are more segregated than ever.
• The United States has one of the highest child poverty rates of the industrialized nations.  Poverty during childhood leads to trauma and has all kinds of effects on the developing brain (Here is a great resource for learning and understanding more about this and its impact in the classroom).  More children of color are poor than white children, especially First Nations children, black children, and Latinx children. 
• Poor students of color are more likely to attend segregated schools with high poverty rates than white children.  This is due, in large part, to racism keeping the racist system going.

Due to the fact that we are still dealing with the fallout of colonialism and slavery and that our education system is a part of the overall systemic racism endemic to life in the United States, we need to talk about what that can mean in the classroom.

Let me be clear: using the best strategies and classroom setup for our students so that they have the best chance to be successful is what we professionals are supposed to do.  It is not our primary job to reinforce the system.  Our primary job is to teach the students we have, not the ones we wish we had, and to provide the right kind of learning environment they need to be successful.  If we teach in a way that works for one culture but not all of the cultures in our classroom, then we aren't teaching our students correctly.  Using a particular teaching strategy just because it is what we grew up with or because we personally like it is not enough: we need to reflect on our teaching practices, why we use the ones we do, and whether or not they are the best strategies for our particular students.

One argument I have run into repeatedly from teachers is that we have to get our students ready for the real world, so that means we should teach in this way or that.  While I agree with that argument at its core (we need to get kids ready for the real world), I disagree with how it is usually implemented in the classroom.  We don't need to toughen our students up.  Our students have grit in spades, thank you.  They need their classrooms to be safe, supportive learning spaces, not harsh spaces filled with microaggressions.  Students of color need safe spaces in which they can grow and learn and ultimately develop the skills and knowledge base they need for the real world.  They live in the real world already, and their families work hard to teach them those survival skills.  Our job is to teach them the rest in a supportive environment.

Another common argument is that, if we change our teaching strategies so that they work better for our students of color, culturally responsive teaching, we are babying our students and being racist by having lower expectations.  Culturally responsive teaching (CRT) done right is not being racist: it is providing that safe, supportive environment in which our students of color can best learn.  That isn't racism, reverse racism, or privilege.  That's good teaching.  CRT does not mean lower expectations at all (students are still expected to work hard, get good grades, behave properly for the given situation), just that students get the strategies they need to have the best chance of success.

Let's look at one strategy for maintaining order in the classroom and seeing which students understand the directions or material and which don't: eye contact.  In the dominant white culture in the US, it is a sign of disrespect not to make eye contact with a teacher so as to show that one is respectfully listening (i.e. "One, two, three, eyes on me").  This is not the case for all cultures.

For example, in the Diné Nation (Navajo), it is a sign of disrespect for a student to make direct eye contact with a teacher.    When white teachers do not reflect on their cultural biases and learn about cultural differences, they can do a real disservice to their students and their classes when they force Diné students to make eye contact.  The students don't want to be disrespectful, and so many end up feeling torn.  Requiring students to act in a disrespectful manner just because your culture says otherwise does not help lead to positive outcomes.

It is similar with autistic students; it can be physically painful for autistics to make eye contact, so when a teacher requires it, that teacher is causing their student pain and possibly triggering a fight/flight/freeze response and an increase in adrenaline, which we know hampers the creation of neuronal connections in the brain.  It seems like such a little thing, but making eye contact is a cultural thing, not a required behavior for life and definitely not if it keeps a student from learning the needed skills and material.

We teachers use many strategies that, ultimately, are rooted in the culture we come from.  It is not our job to demand students conform to the dominant white culture: it is our job to provide a safe learning environment for all students.  Little things, from requiring eye contact to using proximity (another culturally based practice to modify student behavior) can actually be microaggressions and create a negative learning environment.  

CRT is not about lowering expectations, babying students, or engaging in reverse racism: it is about using the best strategies for our students and providing the environment they need in which to grow and learn best.  We teach students, all students, and it is wrong to force students to conform to the dominant white culture's preferred strategies and cultural norms because it can impede their learning and teach them that they aren't safe in their schools.  If we truly want all of our students to succeed, we will engage in the necessary self reflection and use CRT to better teach our students.

Long Overdue Update

My fibro flare has been getting progressively worse through the last several months despite trying all sorts of things.  Here's a quick update:

1. The Bullet Journal tracker ended up being quite onerous to keep up with, and it wouldn't have mattered anyway since the GI doctor was not interested in seeing that level of data.  I've tried a few other trackers, like Habitica and SuperBetter, but honestly, I just find them to be a bit much.
2. My GI symptoms ended up being almost entirely due to a new allergy to soy.  I'm okay with soy lecithin in chocolate and some soy sauce (probably due to fermentation), but soybean oil and I really, really, really do not get along.  Things are now back to normal for the most part.
3. My husband and I both have gotten off of any kind of real diet plan due to our family's move over the winter holidays.  Too much take-out, too much junk food.  His weight, of course, has kept going down anyway, but mine has been bouncing up and a tiny bit down back and forth for a month.  I've been looking into Whole30, and it's very similar to Dr. Mullin's Phase 1, which worked for us.  At least, I can use the recipes.
4. I went back to physical therapy, and that was a dud.  The lead therapist kept talking over me and ignoring what I kept trying to tell her, and the water therapy started my tremors every time until the last time, which was the worst and took hours to recover from.  We agreed to end it because the PT seemed to be making my flare worse, not better.  The warm pool at my YMCA is closed for a massive rebuilding project, and I miss it.
5. Our new home is lovely, and it has become a real oasis for me.  I can't wait until spring when I can start working in the gardens and get the pool ready.  We even have a firepit, which I've wanted for years.
6. I've started volunteer teaching ESL for a half day on Thursdays, and I love it, though it's really getting my fibro upset every week.  I had missed teaching so very much, and writing lesson plans and working with students is feeding my soul.  If I could get my fibro more under control, that would help, though.

It's been a rough several months, what with worse pain, new symptoms, elimination diets, changes to my supplements, a huge move (after a seriously stressful house buying experience--everything that could go wrong did), and now the flu having gone through our family.  Hopefully, this rough start to 2018 means that the rest of the year will go more easily.